I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
