Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
