my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
