I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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