shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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