Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
