is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
