Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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