There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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