And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
