I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize