i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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