just tell him i said nine months
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
