I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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