she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
