Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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