Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
