I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We have started to decorate penises.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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