Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
