You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
