but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
