Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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