Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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