I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
