This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
