she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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