We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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