Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
