Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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