Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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