Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
