Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
