I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
