I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Porn is love you can see.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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