Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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