I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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