So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
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Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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