I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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