Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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