Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Someone signed my nipple.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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