69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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