I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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