i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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