is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
