so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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