Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
