i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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