I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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