If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
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MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Watching her eat just hurts me
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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