thus making me awesome and them whores
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
