My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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