everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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