doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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