Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
