dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
