bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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