my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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