This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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