My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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