I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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