Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so let's talk penis.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
