apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
