tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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