1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
