We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
