i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
