the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
