Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
