I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
