The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
